I've changed the cover from the original because I felt it maybe gave people the impression it is all about Rugby or there is a lot of sex in it.
I was inspired after watching the Fisher King with Jeff Bridges, Robin Williams. A story about a DJ that motivated a crazy caller to spray bullets into an upscale restaurant killing yuppies. The DJ loses it, fraught with gilt at his reckless comment. He eventually meets one of the victims who survived the shooting, but has become unhinged and living on the street after his wife was shot and killed. He tries to help him and in doing so learns to overcome his own demons.
Streaking for Mother is about a famous sportsman that courses a streaker to be hospitalised reinforcing his bad boy tag and calls for him to sort out his anger issues. He agrees to help the streaker recover with physiotherapy and duck out of the way of the press that are constantly hounding him. He goes to live above a pawn brokers - the streaker and three others own - two sexy females and a strange black fella.
These people are carrying some serious issues and make a living from the pawn shop and guerrilla marketeering, coming up with some crazy stunts to advertise products. There is an agenda and he soon learns there are no coincidences and finds out his recently deceased mother is behind everything that has been happening to him - he also learns why? She needs him to help them in the house because they are not strong enough to take the news she has died.
That's as far as I can go without spoiling the rest of which has a surprise ending.
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Expats Spain
My new book Expats Spain
This is the go-to book if you are
thinking about moving to Spain covering those questions which will
crop up and often, yet suspiciously, remain unanswered.
Some people buy a villa or apartment
and retire on the coast whilst others live on the outskirts of some
quint pueblo and fill their memoirs with funny stories of quirky
locals and strange animals they have raised. And then there is the
other side...
Mark Shearman moved to Spain in 2002
with his partner and four year old daughter. His observations are
from a successful building contractor, owner of an estate agency and
journalist.
He has included some amusing anecdotes
and articles, which all promise one thing - the truth.
http://shermdonor.blogspot.com.es
Reading Flip Flop Flamenco Mark's novel about a shaming debt
collector will also give you a flavour of what it is like to live as
an expat on the Costa Blanca.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Spanish Cultural Test
Spanish cultural test was released in October 2015 for those foreigners wishing to become Spanish nationals and hold a Spanish passport.
Over a hundred thousand foreigners from around the world annually go through the arduous processes of applying for Spanish citizenship. The deadline in October for the last day's free service caused a rush-on.Applicants must prove good citizenship and a sufficient degree of integration into Spanish society, for example, being able to speak Spanish and taking part in social activities, which I presume they refer to fiestas and public demonstrations. Also what must be included are two positive endorsements from Spanish citizens, and a good conduct statement from the police - a small part of the paperwork and process.
Most foreigners should have held a residence permit for ten uninterrupted years before they can apply for Spanish nationality. There are exceptions...
The cultural test is part of the integration qualification process, it seems being able to speak the language and knock up a kick-ass Paella on a Sunday is not enough.
In the past controversy has risen after complaints that these tests were not being conducted fairly and there was no set standard. Judges where compiling their own questions some of them had a high level of difficulty and some were trick questions, like knowing the name of the national anthem and its lyrics. The anthem 'The Marcha Real' - the Royal March has no official lyrics.
The Cervantes Institute has released a new exam, which aims to test applicant's knowledge across the board about Spain and the Spanish way of life putting an end to these non-standardized tests. The cost is €85.
Some of the questions range from politics, famous actors, and sports questions. Is garlic the best ingredient with albondigas (meatballs)? Just kidding - here are some real questions:
What
river connects Barcelona and Madrid?
El Tajo - El Ebro - Ninguno - El Ave
In
what year began the second republic?
1492 – 1977 - 1936 - 1931
-
Which of these is the
name of the famous fiesta in Cádiz and the Canary Islands?
-
El Carnaval - La Semana Santa - Los Sanfermines
Some other questions that should be in the test:
What is the best time to move your
dining table and chairs using the push method?
- 10:30pm
- 11:30pm
- Any time after 12:00 midnight
When should you use your indicators?
- When manoeuvring into a different position.
- When double parking outside the lottery shop.
- What's an indicator?
What type of situation is best to
shoulder shrug?
- When not having fun
- Sounds serious and not fun
- Shoulder shrug with bewilderment at the question
How many Spanish people were drunk
in the first half of 2015
- None
- Some were poco baracho
- A few were pocito baracho
Who are the best lovers in the world
- The Italians
- The French
- Yourself and other Spanish passport holders
If you would like to test yourself just for fun there are several
practise websites: http://www.testdenacionalidad.es/
www.testnacionalidad.es.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Author Book Presentation - Mark Shearman
Gif animation, videos, whiteboard videos: http://www.bookcoverdesignformat.com
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Sunday, October 18, 2015
White Board Presentations
If you would like a whiteboard presentation creating send me details and i will give you a quote.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Expats Spain
Release date - October 20th
Questions that go unanswered - Anecdotes about living in Spain - All based on real events.
No bulls were harmed
in the making of this book or any other animals, punctuation may have
been strained, grammar rules broken, that is not the author's fault,
but the school he was sent to. A great place to learn how to fight or
talk your way out of a fight, watch the teachers spend the majority
of their time organising strikes for more pay and better students.
Consequently, there wasn't much to do apart from throwing snow balls
at buses and date opinionated school girls - who wanted so much
more...
I found music and a
sense of fashion, unfortunately no one else agreed, hence the
constant invitations to rendezvous after school at the gates,
confusing, as we didn't have any school gates. Some students found if
you wore Margaret Thatcher badges it upset the militant teachers and
some actually broke down and cried when the Tories won the elections.
School days seem to brighten, the teachers in the last year of school
started teaching, just before most of us braced for the road ahead,
which had UB40 singing about 1 in 10 being unemployed. My last school
report from head of house simply read: 'I found mark to be admirable
- nuff said!!!'
Questions that go unanswered - Anecdotes about living in Spain - All based on real events.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Is Tough Enough?
July saw the finals of the women's
world cup football with the UK coming in a respectable third as they
played off against our favourite rivals Germany and the Americans,
who still feel the need to call the game soccer, won over Japan -
kudos. Certain things that stood out again, not only the level of
skill proving every bit entertaining as their male counter parts, yet
again proving just how tough these female athletes are some
journalists comparing them to the men. Close up camera shots of
multi-million Euro players like, Renaldo being palmed on the chest
and dropping to the floor like a bad actor missing his cue and then
making an embarrassing meal of it. Subjecting paying punters to a few
minutes of rolling around on the ground holding his face and
screaming for his mama.
Whereas American rugby seven's players
Georgia Page broke her nose, jumped up and made a crucial try-saving
tackle, her face smeared in claret with a come-on-let's-get-the-game
on attitude - that's rugby tough.
You will see some male players take a
hit and wince in pain and bypass the Oscar performance and chin
through. Watching the women’s' world cup last month you saw a lot
more chinning through than grass hugging and the aggression level was
on a par with the blokes.
Living with the female of the species
for over thirty years, admittedly spread over three or four, they all
had one thing in common. They never seemed to get jungle flu. The
kind that drops you into a stupefying, thumb-sucking, mummies boy
grasping your last will and testament while flicking through the
medical books on rare fatal diseases. They simply had colds and
soldier on hardly showing symptoms and seem to recover fast – often
saying: "If men had to go through the excruciating pain of
childbirth the human race would have become extinct long ago,"
or as they say in the Midlands men are just mardie.
So why is it that woman seem to be
tougher than men at least mentally?
Tests have been conducted, well to be
honest - hold it - I could fill this space with brain scan info and
impress you with research into this and that, but there isn't
anything conclusive because pain in my opinion is down to the
individual person those who have had a lot of it know what to expect.
Losing the love of your life is painful
it's a longer emotional pain and again down to the individual.
When I was younger, and without really
knowing, I had something inside me that automatically blocked out
emotional pain; often being accused I could have watched my family
being butchered on a Sunday and be at work Monday morning embarrassed
at everyone giving their condolences. I used to treat my
relationships like it. I was there I loved them, if they
disappointed me I would leave.
Bottling everything up works well in
groups of men who admire your resolve whilst moving in formation
through a jungle armed and programmed. Fighting so certain western
powers can sustain its oil thirst. It's a short lived grenade waiting
to explode and one day it will happen sat in a car looking out to a
grey sea whilst singing along to Coldplay's Yellow, holding a
recommissioned service revolver you bought from some short,
thick-eyebrow geezer in Nottingham. You are faced with unhelpful
self-talk, "come on, you're this far - have you got the minerals
- end the pain."
Something happens, you drop the bottle
of Jack Daniels, Coldplay's song stops and you actually start feeling
sorry for yourself remembering what the old man said when you used to
cry as a boy and hate his cold reaction. You then miss the old
bastard and burst out crying. You can't believe you're actually
crying because being macho you've always said the last time you cried
was when the midwife smacked your backside, so you accompany it with
laughter - it's too late, you are crying like a fat girl on hearing
the doctor say “no more chocolate young lady” and you can't stop.
You let it go, years and years' worth -
you shout, "okay I'm a woman with emotions I don’t care, it
feels so good oh-my-god it feels good." It's liberating. The
pain doesn't stop there you realise what a complete ass you have been
the past ten years and think, if I was a women what would I do now?
To which you realise a woman would say - fuck it, now you have
defragged your brain, move on. Unwrap the chocolate bar, find a
bottle of white wine, worry about your thighs tomorrow and stop
crying you lightweight!
We can talk about men being physically
stronger, that has nothing to do with pain thresholds because we are
all different and whilst having a high pain threshold can get you
through a lot of after time pub fights it doesn't serve you well when
your body is crying out for you to see the doctor because something
is seriously wrong.
My old man used to say: 'It's all in
the mind' - when he would tweezer out a splinter in my six year old
finger, suggesting I was moaning like a spoiled rich girl who and had
her shoe allowance stopped - take the pain, put yourself in a happy
place and eventually I got it.
The next week when he was pulling out
another splinter he'd said you didn’t bat an eyelid son where did
you go? I said I was buying high heel shoes that seem to disturb the
old steeplejack now who was wincing like a chocolate starved girl.
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